Schnitzel Match Report – September 2011

WHAT A GREAT FEELING TO ROCK UP TO MISS LIBERTINES WITHOUT THE COLD STINGING YOUR EXTREMITIES. IT WAS ALMOST BALMY ON THIS WARM TUESDAY NIGHT. AND WITH SPRING IN THE AIRA MANS THOUGHTS ARE TURNED TO THAT OF LOVE. UMMM… YEAH. IT’S SOMETHING TO DO WITH POLLINATION ANYWAY.

Along with the warmer weather, the Schnitzel ’N Tits show was hot, Hot, HOT!!!!!

The night featured all the usual suspects. The Babelicious Barmaids dressed it up and dressed it down, revealing their wares as they serve you beverages. How can you say no to these Jugs… of beer… and Wet Pussy’s? Miss Juliette kept the laughs rolling and banded all together in a sense of unity. Lil’ Roscoe kept the audience pumped with his blend of hits and DJ skills that cannot be matched!

With the beer goggles strapped tightly on, it was time to bring on the 1st Act. Lil’ Miss Ruby Q has been a Schnitzel N Tits favourite for some time. Back from the States for a brief dose of home, this chick likes a man who lays his cards on the table… preferably a green card! Lil’ Miss Ruby Q used her sultry ways to woo the crowd. A tease in her red, see-through dress. Her long dark hair cascading down her back. She jumped on tables, shimmied what she’s got and poured those jugs of golden ale over her beautiful olive skin. The crowd loves it when a girl gets wet. That’s why Schnitzel gave the night a bath theme!

As Lil’ Miss Ruby Q slunk off to the shower room to freshen up, our next act was bought to the stage. A Majestic figure of a woman adorned the bar. Who would have known this Femme fatale was none other than Miss Nude Australia! Dressed in a bathrobe and shower cap, Cassandra Jane cutsied her way through the crowd as we all sang along to our favourite Sesame Street song, Rubber Duckie. Then, to everyone’s amazement, Miss Nude donned a Bert and Ernie Puppet for each hand and performed one of the most outrageous “Muppet Show “ moments in history. The song ‘Mana Mana’ played. Morphing into 70’s style porn, the act unfolded before our eyes, with Bert and Ernie proving themselves to be particularly cunning linguists on Miss Nude Australia! I watch Sesame Street everyday and I have never seen anything like this!!! And by the reaction of the crowd, neither had they!! We all knew it was a little bit wrong, but we just couldn’t help but watch.
FEELING VIOLATED AND DIRTY, YET STRANGELY ELATED, WE WAITED IN ANTICIPATION FOR THE FINAL ACT. ELLA SHAYE! THE 4 FT 4, MARILYNESQUE BLONDE BOMBSHELL!

Ella Shaye knows all about the art of tease. Her tiny figure shimmied and swayed throughout the crowd, her hips doing the talking. Then one lucky man, a bath tub on the table, Ella Shaye with sponge and “Natural Woman” pounding through the speakers. Everyone sang along with huge smiles as they watched the playful elfin soap herself. Bubbles and water splashed everywhere! The audience were soaked! But this didn’t dampen their spirits; it made them cry out for more!

Unfortunately, there was no more to be had. Ella Shaye ‘s act is a showstopper. The patrons with front row seats took their wet laps to the bar for a final beverage as we closed the main room due to water damage. So much for Australia’s drought…

As I’ve said before, you never know what you’re going to find at Schnitzel N Tits. So why don’t you take a walk on the wild side? See you at the next Schnitzel N Tits experience!!!