Schnitzel Match Report – Labour Day 2011

A huge turn out for the Schnitz N Tits, and a huge show to give to the Schnitz N Tits crowd!

The night took off with our Babelicious barmaids tempting the crowd with hap, hap, happy hour! $12 jugs flowed, and then flowed some more. And if that wasn’t hitting the spot, $5 “wet pussy” shots were brought around to give you that extra edge. Believe me though, this is not a venue where you need to strap on the beer goggles. The women were gorgeous!!!!

The first performer of the night was Lil’ Miss Ruby Q. Originally heralding from Sydney but now based in the States, Lil’ Miss Ruby Q set her attitude dial to “knock ‘em for a six” and that’s exactly what she did. Her act took us through many styles of burlesque and cabaret, table walking and a beer shower that left ‘Flashdance’ looking like a futile wee in the wind. Merriment filled the air as bellies were full on schnitzels and cheap grog and a taste of what the rest of the night had in store.

A quick smoko break relieved the sexual tension in the room as the men in the crowd got some fresh air and a cold teaspoon. Miss Juliette then proceeded with the nights entertainment by taking the piss out of all in the crowd and getting them warmed up, loose and creating a sense of camaraderie amongst the punters.

Gasps could be heard throughout the room as a tall gold pole was placed centre stage. The long legged Wonder Woman that is Kelly Byrne entered. All was in awe as Kelly showed off her strength and agility as she wrapped and writhed around the golden phallus. Her athletic body and smoldering good looks left every being wishing they were then that pole.

Skarparlava was next dressed as an old school ma’am with a twist, sporting an outfit of red balloons, an act known in Germany as ‘99 Luftballons’. She popped her way to sexy vixen in no time with the help of some of the fellas in the crowd.

Then, a dark shadow lurked from behind and the petite frame of Skarparlava was consumed by the Amazon stature of Kelly. What happened next I will have to leave to your imagination, but I will say this – raffle tickets were sold for this big finale and a lucky man by the name of Jasper won the prize of being the only man in this girl on girl act.

“This has made my week… and it’s only Tuesday!”

— Jasper

A changed man forever, I’m sure. A great night with great entertainment once again! See you all in April for JELLYWRESTLEMANIA!