Schnitzel Match Report – June Bonus 2011

AS A COLD FOG FELL OVER MELBOURNE, BLANKETING THE CITY IN A HEAVY VEIL OF DAMP MIST, A GLOW FROM MISS LIBERTINES DOOR COULD BE SEEN.

The light was so warm and inviting that no one could resist. The allure of a drink to put fire in the belly and a warm bosom to rest ones head… or eyeball, at least, was so great, we had to turn people away!

It was Schnitzel N Tits biggest night to date. We had people swinging from the rafters! Peeps of all shapes and sizes, celebrating birthdays, end of exams, work drinks, or just to get out of the house on a Tuesday night. People from all over the country… All over the world! ( Even Ghandi was there).
LIE BACK AND THINK OF SCHNITZEL N TITS LAND…

We welcomed back Sarah Riot to kick off the Burlesque. Her easy, friendly demeanor let us all relax and sit back and watch as she teased the crowd with her ink decorated limbs. Her swirling hips finding unsuspecting souls to sidle up to, then cool them down with a wave of her feathered fan. Her blonde hair perfectly in place, Sarah strutted her stuff in her 6 inch heels, leaving men and women happy to receive her attention.

After a quick break to have a ciggie and refresh, a crowd favourite tore up the stage with her hoop twirling and agility. Skopalova, our exotic Russian mail order bride, left the fella’s watching with boggled eyes and crossed legs. Her skimpy blue costume flew off her body, never to be seen again! (If anyone knows the where abouts of this item…)

Skopalova’s tight body and ability to throw her legs in any direction, left us all in awe. Is it the fact that she is so agile? Or was it the bottle of champagne she skulled during her act that allowed her to achieve such amazing feats? ( I know my legs can easily go behind my ears after a few bevies.) An extra treat was given to the Schnitzel N Tits audience, with the laid back sounds of “Sunny Albeau”. This 3 man band caressed our ears with their organic, improvised sounds, as we ate our chicken schnitzels and guzzled our jugs of beer.

Our DJ, Lil’ Roscoe was still there mixing it up, keeping everyone uplifted and in party mode. The Babelicious Barmaids were in fine form, revealing their wares bit by bit as the night went on. Selling more drinks the more they nuded up. A saucey French Patisserie, Rose Mantic, armed with ukalele, performed her version of the Mary Poppins hit, “Favourite things”, with a slight twist on what her favourite things were… Did I hear Fist F#*king? The night was getting late, but there was still so much to go! Whose Boobs? Sexual Trivia, another set from the band, Sunny Albeau. All this, so you could collect yourselves before the final act. Kelly!
ENCORE!! ENCORE!!

A sexy office girl has problems with her computer. In frustration clothes are shed. A flash of white panties sends the crowd wild! Kelly’s extremely long legs carry her out into the room, where she acquaints herself with every audience member. We had to keep this piece of raunch under wraps until later in the night just for the X –rating. No one leaves dissatisfied. Kelly did what she does best… Tease, excite, and whip the crowd into a frenzy!

Feel like you’re missing out on something? You are! You’d better book a ticket for the next one.