Schnitzel Match Report – August 2012

SCHNITZ’N TITS THIS AUGUST WAS ALL ABOUT THE SPORT. AN ODE TO THE 2012 OLYMPICS.

The “Girlympics” was a celebration of the power of an athlete. The Stamina, the focus…and the ability to look good with their clothes off.

A Guinness book of records broken with the Colonial Inn packed to capacity. Babelicious Barmaids were everywhere catering to the crowds every whim. Lil’ Roscoe tore up the room with his fresh take on tunes, and MC Juliette made all your fantasies come true with the “Wheel of Fate”. I may be sounding a little vague here in what the night entails… But there are some secrets we need to keep… “What happens at Schnitz N Tits…Stays at Schnitz N Tits.”

Our First performer took us to the the “Bollywood Nights.” A steaming seductress, Miss Montana swayed her hips like a rolling ocean. The audience were but poor sailors lost at sea, the SS Minnow on a three hour tour. An exotic performance that teased the crowd with agile body moves and a dark sense of humour. Bronze! Goes to India.

Heavy Metal blasts through the speakers with joyous roars from headbangers, violently throbbing their skulls back and forth. Gracie straddles her pole with the precision and technique of a well trained athlete (That just got out of prison). Tattoo’s, piercings and wild coloured hair, makes Gracie one sexy rock chick!!! Miss Pole Fitness Australia! She’s lean, she’s mean, and mighty unclean! Men were wiping their brow at the amazing stunts that this “whole lotta woman” could perform. Silver! To Australia.
OUR FINAL PERFORMER IS NO STRANGER TO SCHNITZ N Tits. IN FACT, YOU MIGHT CALL HER A CROWD FAVOURITE.

Kelly is our long legged, dark haired secret weapon. She is an absolute expert in the Lickedy Splits (Technical term). She may look all sugar and spice but when she hits the pole…Not so Nice! With a wing span of 7 foot, Kelly easily eliminates all competition. Her cheeky smile melts the hearts of her opponents. As she glides easily and gracefully through the crowd she picks off her victims one by one… they didn’t even know what hit them. A performance of strength, creativity and stamina. Gold! To Wonder Woman Island.

Congratulations to all our athletes of the “Girlympics”. True sportsmanship by all who participated.

And so that brings another Schnitz’n’Tits to a close… Many schnitzels were eaten. many Games were played. Many virginities were lost…Some lives were taken…But most pulled through the night!

The sport continues in September with Schnitz N Tits hosting the Grand Final day. Be sure to book that one!!