Schnitzel Match Report – August 2011


The troops were lined up outside, escorted in & given their rations of beer. The scene is reminiscent of an old style Berlin Cabaret. The beautiful girls, that are our Babelicious Barmaids, slinked through the semi darkness. Dressed in their ”oh so” skimpy outfits, they helped wipe the worry of war away from our dishevelled soldiers of the 9 to 5 platoon.

Our MC, Miss Juliette (strangely dressed as the late Amy Winehouse), welcomed all and explained the nights procedures. Birthdays were abundant! A party atmosphere swept all into the mood of booze and boobs. The Schnitzels came out to a hungry mob as we all listened to the contempory jazz sounds of “Sunny Alboe”. Centre stage, you could feel the dark looming presence of “the Pole” (and I’m not talking about a funny old moustached man with an odd accent). The huge phallus was what we had all come to see the girls wrap themselves around.

Gabrielle was the first Amazon Wonder Woman to tackle this monstrous erection. She wowed us all! The audience vocal participation of “OOOOOOoooo’s” and “AAAaaaaahhh’s” and “Oh My God’s!!!” only spurred this female dare devil on as she performed feats only ever seen in a Spider Man movie. Many a man sat with crossed legs as Gabrielle twisted and manipulated herself into gravity defying positions. This is something you should definitely see in your lifetime.

After a quick interval, for everyone to collect themselves, we came back to the show with Skopalova. Skopalova whisked us back to the 80’s with her saucy version of “Leave Your Hat On”. A rhythmic gymnast, Skopalova flipped, balanced hats on her toes and performed the most amazing lickety splits (technical term). The strength and agility these girls were showing were leaving the audience for dead. The only exercise this crowd could muster was the opening and closing of ones jaw.

The final female to perform was the amazing Kelly. This fine specimen of girly anatomy is six foot six and sanitised for your protection. As soon as Kelly grabbed the pole in her hand a slight whimper was heard throughout room. Kelly’s long, long legs seemed to spread from one side of the room to the other. Again, such amazing death defying feats that left us all wanting to jump out of our seats and cheer. Kelly’s long dark hair swished around as she sent the crowd into frenzy with her famous head roles and flicks. Into the crowd she goes, her bejewelled nipples acting like a beacon for all eyes to follow. This is the moment when punters wished they had put a little bit more cash in her piggy bank as the attention the big spenders are receiving are making their ears smoke!!!

Does this seem like something you would like to be a part of? I thought so. Hopefully we’ll see you next time!

Schnitzel ’N Tits on Tuesday August 30th was like a moment in history…the Invasion of “Pole Land”.