Well sir, the plains of Melbourne was colder n’ a witch’s tit.. I tied up my horse and moseyed into Colonial Corral, spurs a janglin. The joint was jumpin’ and saucy saloon girls has they hands full already with six big posses celebratin’ bucks nights, birthdays and work outings with nearest and dearest.
Head honcho and man with the mouth Jason ‘Evo’ Evans introduced VIPs Chris Damo and Daniel with some light roasting. (Buck Chris has a fiancée named Joelene..you can’t make this stuff up!) No sooner had we met cowboys of the hour than they were away in Saloon Balloon Brawl – a boat race with a Western Twist. Youngster Tim and Chris the buck, top dogs when all the barking was done, were set to face off in an all new Western game..
In Lassoo the Lady the boys were positioned stage left and right and had to wrangle from a sexy cowgirl herd on stage – roping and removing their bras of as many as possible before the buzzer. When the smoke cleared young gun Tim had a whopping 5 babes to Chris’s 1 and accusations of cheating were flying..Evo acted quickly – offering a free beer to calm the aggrieved competitor while the girls and the audience ooh’ed and aah’ed over Tim. The youngster with the quick hands won a saddlebag of Schnitz N Tits merch and lapdances for his hombres.
Further audience competition guess the celebrity breasts and Sudden Death Western trivia saw experienced older cowgirl Christine of the heavy machinery manufacturing crew on table 3 the ultimate champ. She scooped up a snuggly Schnitz N Tits hoodie and a raunchy photoshoot with the wizards at Urban Life Photography for her trouble!
PERFORMANCE TIME PARDNERS!!
..and a new sheriff in town! The first of the sexy cowgirls to perform at our wild west party was a relative newbie & reigning Miss Erotica Peyton Mack. Peyton looked a little nervous but soon hit her stride. The dusky filly stretched and contorted ‘til jaws dropped and eyes popped. When Peyton took an improvised ‘outback shower’ with drinks from table 3 a patron popped an umbrella to deal with the splashback..Peyton didn’t bat an eyelid, working it hilariously into her routine. By the time she took a bow I knew I’d seen another Schnitz N Tits burlesque superstar born!
By contrast this wasn’t Isabelle Deltore’s first rodeo. The veteran striptease virtuoso hit the stage as a sexy cowgirl in star spangled chaps reminiscent of Jessica Alba in Sin City . Issy’s acrobatic antics culminated in her laying out a patron on table 3 and using his crotch for a headstand. You gotta know how to improvise out west – the sexy cowgirl fed marshmallows to a patron and her boobs made a handy platter..
BEST ON GROUND
Baby faced birthday boy Tim. Once Evo had checked his ID on stage Tim’s competition gusto made him a favourite with the crowd ..not to mention the waitresses!
Sue from the corporate group celebrating Steve’s birthday…champion of elimination trivia and whose boobs. Hope she favours us with some glamour shots from her photoshoot..I’m imagining a sexy cowgirl draped in her new Schnitz N Tits hoodie