In my few months of match reports I thought I’d seen all the tricks up the Schnitz N Tits sleeve. Then they produced an ace called Jelly Wrestlemania.. If you haven’t seen this lovechild of sport and adult entertainment you are missing out! The Schnitz n Tits Jelly Wrestlers combines the fury of UFC, the visual appeal of beach volleyball and a unique element of spectator participation.
Schnitz N Tits Stadium was transformed with tables re-arranged around transparent Jumbo Kiddie pool on a raised altar. UV light had the jelly shimmering eerily and Babelicious Barmaids glowing in their tight white tank tops and tiny red shorts. Towel boys and ring girls were selected from the audience and it was on like Donkey Kong!!
Jelly Wrestlemania round 1
The opener pitted current champion the gorgeous Miss America against Professor the Undresser – babe and boffin with the skyhigh IQ. Both jelly wrestlers are petite yet busty and looked an even match weightwise. Ms. Undresser seemed a little out of her element in goggles and lab coat but the black bikini beneath said she meant business. By the time Miss A closed round 3 with a devastating Suplex, however, the Professor had been convincingly schooled. Miss America seemed to have plenty left in the tank and it was back to the books for the prof..
Jelly Wrestlemania round 2
Buxom Beauty Macho Miss sports fluoro hair and a ferocious macho scowl but is all Miss from the neck down. She was up against a wrestler on a mission from God. Easter crowd favourite Mary Mc-Killit found her inner devil when the grappling began. On this Good Friday Eve Mary was alive with spiritual electricity – powerslamming and pinning a struggling Macho Miss to clinch her second of the 3 bouts and a place in the final
Jelly Wrestlers furious final
Jelly jelly everywhere – we slipped and slid and didn’t care! The crowd erupted when challenger Mary Mc Kill-it parted the curtain and strode solemnly to her corner to the strains of Madonna’s ‘Like a prayer’. If Mary was the crowd’s favourite Miss America was the adopted champion of Deano’s Bucks party. They did their best to drown out McKillit rapture with chants of “U. S. A…U.S.A”
Miss America opened with a frenzy and Mary responded strategically – saving energy by using her slight buxom weight edge to ‘sandbag’ the reigning champ. With a furious round each both jelly wrestlers panted in the hands of towellers as ring girls paraded the card for the deciding bout. When Mary went from ‘Boston Crab’ to chokeslam I thought Miss A was finished but her anger gave her a final burst of energy in which she took Mary in a Nelson and drove her to the mat for the 3 count pinfall and victory. Both girls left it all in the pool including bikini tops and the tape from their respective nipples.
Miss America – young, beautiful and hard as nails! In the final analysis it had to be the seasoning of previous campaigns gave the necessary edge to retain the Big Boys Belt on Good Friday Eve. The big question is..Can Miss A nurse her battered body through yet more gruelling grappling and sustain her supremacy in what looks like the toughest tournament yet? Find out on each of the next 3 Fridays as our Jelly Wrestlers fight to the finish in Jelly Wrestlemania!!
Best on ground
Towel boy Big Ben of Deano’s party bucks party – doing pre match curls with Professor the Undresser and paying extra attention to his jelly wrestlers boobs as he towelled her down…I think they’re dry now mate.
Unflappable Babelicious Barmaid Stef who kept smiling as the boys from Deano’s bucks gave her a taste of her own medicine..a bodyshot poured from a boy’s belt!!
Kristy of Goodes-y’s birthday bash – round 3 ring girl and identifier of Salma Hayeks tanned tatas in ‘Whose Boobs’