Schnitzel Match Report – November “Jellywrestlemania!” 2012


The word on the street was, inside was a sporting event that no one should miss!
If you’re young, it’s something to experience to take you into manhood. If you’re old, It’s one for the bucket list.
It’s about strength and courage… It’s about the making of Champions!
It’s about… Jelly Wrestling!!!!!!
Four gorgeous women, bikini clad, squirming on top of each other in a pool full of red Jelly, it doesn’t get any more fantastic than this!

The venue was packed. It was full of men and women eager to get a glimpse of this elite athletic showdown.
Our commentators, Spagetti western & D Train, both very knowledgable in the art of Jelly wrestling, introduced the femme fatales into the ring.
Referee Jules was on the whistle to call the shots. DJ, Lil’ Roscoe, spun the tunes that kept the audience pumped and throbbing to the beat of the jelly wrestlers soundtrack.
Males were frothing at the mouth as though they had gone into a jelly induced diabetic fit!

Two rounds down to the deafening cheers of the crowd.
Our favourite dancer, Kelly, sauntered out as Half Time entertainment. She gave the crowd the sex education we all needed, and the internal song on everyone’s mind after her incredible performance was…”Don’t you wish you’re girlfriend was Hot like me?”. I’m sure, under all the tables, it was a standing ovation.

Two girls, head to head, boob to boob. This is the final round to settle the score. They played dirty, they played cheap, they played every filthy scoundrel move the knew. Hair was pulled, bikini’s were ripped, slaps were heard, kissing was… hang on!!! Two girls french kissing in a pool of jelly whilst their tops are off? Unheard of!!!

Finally a contestant is pinned for the last time! A glistening goddess emerges from the sludge and drudgery.
The winner is… “Miss America”!!! (originating from England).
Exhilerated and triumphant, Miss America is awarded the Prize belt. A belt so big and highly bedazzled, it would bring a tear to Elvis’ eye.
But wait,
there’s a carfuffle! The two defeated girls want revenge!
They push the champion back into the pool, it’s two against one!
Miss America holds her own but she’s exhausted.
The telling of true sportmanship is revealed when the defeated champion jumps into the ring to help ‘Miss America’.
Four girls writhe and slide across each other. It is an absolute mosh pit! The audience are covered in the sticky goo. The wrestling team are trying to break it up but, it’s no use. Best to let the girls work it out for themselves.
The lights are dimmed and the attention is turned back to the bar for more drinks. A great way to finish a night of recreation is a nice, cold, golden beer hitting the back of a parched throat.
Until next time…